And it happened, because of grace.

Not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 

Those are the words I keep saying to myself, every time I start to feel really good about my effort and accomplishment last Sunday. This is not false humility; this is true reality. 

About a month ago I encountered a strong urge to run a marathon. Running a 26.2 mile race has been a looming dark cloud of intimidation and fear of failure ever since I became a runner back in high school. I always told myself I couldn't do it. But it was still something I deep down hoped to accomplish one day. So last month I spontaneously found some inspiration in the fact that I was 26 and a marathon was 26 miles. It wasn't going to stay that way for long. 

I signed up for the Columbia Gorge Marathon in Hood River less than 4 weeks out. I knew it was crazy, and everyone who knows anything about running also informed me it was crazy.

My second week into training I bumped up to 60+ miles that week, and I was starting to feel pretty good about myself and my commitment to work hard and my ability to challenge myself. (Running tends to boost self-esteem- which is great!) But Jesus knows me and loves me enough to intervene when my heart is dancing too close to the edge of a cliff. Jesus made it clear to me that this whole project of running a marathon would not be about me and my hard-earned accomplishment. It was going to be all about his grace in my life. If it happened, and I got to successfully cross that finish line, it would be because of grace. 

I'm not writing this as an act of guilt-driven self-denial. I'm writing this because I literally can only boast about the grace of God. 

A week before the race, I could hardly walk. I had severe tendon pain in my feet. But when I would go on runs, I would ask Jesus to give me grace just to make it back home, and He always did. Every time I asked Jesus to give me healing grace HE ALWAYS DID. 

The day came, I ran the marathon in 3 hours 30 minutes, and it happened because of grace. 

I cried tears of joy as I crossed the finish line. I was aware during all 26 miles of the grace I was being given to have fun, feel healthy, push myself, and finish strong. I was so grateful with each step. I'm still so grateful now. 

Almost a week has gone by, and I think I'm finally starting to understand that it's so much bigger than that marathon. I need God's grace for every moment for the rest of my life. There's an epic finish line ahead. When I make it across, it will be because of grace. 

Chartreuse

Listen to Chartreuse here!

Well, it's finally here. This little EP isn't just 6 tracks humbly recorded in the studio at Applegate Christian Fellowship (with incredible musical masterminds might I add!), it's the fruition of a dream I've had my whole life: to tell a story in song, and tell it well. 

There are several stories represented on Chartreuse. The first song comes straight out of the first chapters of the biblical account of the prophet Jeremiah. Hagar's encounter with God is recounted in an emotionally vulnerable fashion. "When My World Falls Away" is the story of the June 5, 2014 shooting on the campus of Seattle Pacific University.

And then "Mountain" is my own personal story. Just like God met with Jeremiah and Hagar in an encounter that changed their lives, he met with me too, across from a mountain called Chartreuse. After that, there has been one underlying theme in my life, a lesson I learn over and over, and it's woven into the words of "Mountain."

I pray these songs bless you in some way, or maybe just soothe you as you go about your day. Thanks for your support, it means the world to me.

Obedience Is Better Than Sacrifice

[photo: Les Deux Alpes]

When I arrived in France, I can honestly say that my heart was in a place of obedience. I knew this is where God had called me to be and I was all in.  

But somewhere along the way in these past few months, something shifted in me and my heart started to offer God a sacrifice instead of obedience. That's a strange statement, but what I mean is this: 

In 1 Samuel 15, Saul disobeys God by sparing the life of the Amalekite king and bringing back plunder when he was specifically told to wipe out all of the Amalekites and to destroy all of their possessions. When confronted by Samuel, Saul says "I did obey the Lord." He killed everyone except the king and planned to use what he took from them as a sacrifice to the Lord.

But Samuel replied,

"What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? 

Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams. 

Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. 

So because you have rejected the command of the Lord, he has rejected you as king." 

(1 Samuel 15)

It had gotten to the point where my heart was wandering and restless but I still pretended like I was being obedient, because after all I'm here in France right? That wasn't obedience, it was me offering sacrifices every day, self-righteously thinking that was satisfying to God. 

But God graciously reminded me that is not at all what he desires. He wants my heart to be completely surrendered and all-in. To return to that place where I was so ready and willing to do anything he asked. And I think I'm back, or at least heading in that direction.

Yeah so Saul never really repented... but David did! I'm taking cues from him:

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering.The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God. (Psalm 51)

We're family here

Yesterday as I was sitting in church- listening to an incredible sermon about how since Jesus already met the terms of God's covenant with Abraham, we have every blessing in Christ- I was overcome with gratitude. I'm grateful that I get to be a part of (or even just around) what God is doing in Lyon, France. I've been here for 5 weeks and it's been beautiful watching people step inside a church for the very first time, encounter the love of God, and then leave forever changed. That's the story of so many of the people I've met at Hillsong Lyon. This is a church where people who would normally never set foot in a church building can find a home. There is something so attractive and magnetic about the way people at this church love God and love others.
Everything is centered on relationships here. You aren't just another new face, but rather an adopted brother or sister in Christ that the whole family can't wait to get to know better. There is such an intentionality about the way you are welcomed into the family.
It's the best way to do church, in light of my earlier post about why doing church in France is different. It's also the best way because there are so many different cultures and nationalities represented here. So many people from around the world, but we all have one thing in common. It's amazing. Faith in Jesus is like an adhesive that unites many different individuals into one body of Christ.

"I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me." - Jesus
[John 17:21]

Things that make doing church in France different (and possibly harder)

Something I've observed and learned from the observations of other people is that 

you can't just pick up an American or British or Australian church model and set it down in France and expect it to function or sustain itself in the same way. You have to step back and see what's happening in the grand scheme of things. It's not just a spiritually dry country that needs to be hosed down. It needs new seeds planted. And you can't just use any fertilizer, you need a specific formula designed to fit its needs. Then comes the watering and the waiting.

France's spiritual status is unique, and here are some reasons why:

1. There is a gap between those in leadership and everyone else. It's a distinction integrated into French culture. Professors don't socialize with students (and vice versa), employees don't talk to their bosses outside the work setting, and so traditionally, inner-circle religious leaders would never interact with the rest of the congregation in a friendly, down-to-earth way.
2. Social groups in France tend to be intrinsically small in size. It's like there is an unspoken limit to how big a group can be. Most congregations max-out well before they reach 100 attendees. It is possible to have too many friends in French culture.  
3. There is the aftermath of a long and ugly history of Catholicism in France. France as a state is self-declared laïc (secular). But as a culture, Catholic roots run deep, and it is all the people know. The very word "church" invokes the idea of a big, ancient, beautiful building where an older generation still gathers because they missed the train of post-modernity. There's an implication that God is aloof, Jesus is irrelevant, and Mary is a very special lady. 
4. That being said, the Bible is considered so high and holy, it is not accessible to common people. If you handed a Bible to a random French person, they would automatically assume that what they are about to read will be too holy, too wordy, and therefore incomprehensible for them to grasp.

This is why the mention of "church" doesn't bring to mind the same things it does for me and lots of other American Christians (Jesus, joy, vitality, passionate preaching, upbeat music, deep worship, and friendly people).

There's obviously something missing here. France doesn't need religion; it NEEDS Jesus! Then, and only then, will the idea of "church" in French culture began to transform from a dead tradition to a living faith! You can't fix it by bringing the hip practices of American churches to France. I mean, that definitely helps. But that is not the solution in all of this. It's Jesus. Jesus will bring vitality. He will bring excitement and revival. He will bring the Holy Spirit. That is what will bring Life!

Hard To Get

I'm so partial to lyrics.
When I hear a song for the very first time, I'm too busy getting lost in the words to determine whether or not I actually like how the song sounds. And that drives the real musicians in the room crazy!
Even in my own songs, I compulsively cram as many words into a phrase as I can, or I make it so lyric heavy that it ruins the musicality of the song.
For me, a song is worth the weight of its lyrics in gold. It's just the way I am, and I understand why that would be frustrating to creative and musically innovative minds.

That's one reason why I praise Jesus for Rich Mullins (I'll save all the other reasons for another post.)
He filled up his songs with words to overflow. Like, you could read a line from one of his songs and then hear the instrumentation of that song, but have absolutely no idea on how to make it fit. Yet he smoothly worked it all in. I don't think you have to compromise the lyrical content, not all the time at least.

Just before he died, Rich Mullins tracked the demos for the Jesus Record. The first track is called Hard to Get, and in all honesty if you just listen to the music, you'll get bored. But choose to engage in the message, and it will change your life. Well, it did for me.
I can't believe how raw and vulnerable he was in his songs, and with God. It makes sense, because God sees right through our front. When I try to be a pulled-together, proper Christian who just accepts things without actually grasping what they mean, I know Jesus isn't fooled. He knows our hearts. He knows things that stir up doubt in us. He know when our hearts are hardened in a certain direction.

He sees, and he still loves. So why not just be honest with God in the first place?! Skip over the showy, middle ground and just let your spirit be real and open. Jesus can handle our questions. He's bigger than our struggles and way beyond our doubts.

Debut

Hey there. My name is Sophie and I'm obsessed with overthinking. Mostly I overthink about mountains, Jesus, my petty problems, and meaningful music. I moved to France at the beginning of 2016 because it was my way of being obedient to Jesus' call in my life. 

I have reached that point in life where my Instagram posts are way too long and probably a bit deep for what mainstream social media can handle, so I decided the time was right to create this blog as an overflow space. 

So, if you are ever wondering what Jesus is up to in my life (and in the lives of people here in France), this is the place to come and see!

For now, I leave you with this video filmed back in Oregon (thank you to Alex Apland!). It's one of my own songs, and it very much represents the take-home message of my life. 

Happy New Year to you!

xoxo

sophie